Instant idiocy hold the fries

why do fast and medium food franchises

insist on giving their products wacky names

i find the over alliteration anxiety-provoking

and cannot escape the feeling that uttering words

such as wendy’s whizzer and willy’s wobbler is an obscene

act designed to humiliate us into not questioning

whether that is actually food they are serving or just some kind

of ironic gesture wrapped in plastic with fries on the side

even more disturbing is the earnest enunciation with which

these ridiculous names are uttered in affirmation by pre-pubescent

staff pimples sneers and vacuous glances not withstanding they

follow the pattern and do not seem to question what they are saying

why can’t I just name the items I want in order: those corn chips with tomato

salsa and sour cream with extra jalapeno peppers please why

does it have to be bernie’s burning ring of desire – did I just

miss the gene that makes this fun acceptable or worse still not

even worth commenting on or is everyone else suffering

in silence so desperate for the sugar hit or extra dollop of fat deposits

that they will degrade their mouth to any degree both what goes in

and what comes out of it

a slow humiliation this death by quirk demise by pun changing

our language so that soon we will have no other way to ask for

anything than to add a rhyming cutesy name completely ineffectual

in the transmission of actual desire or communication so that it won’t

be long until we lose the will and wherewithal

to ask for anything at all

yes of course I’ll upgrade that to a meal deal

thank you very much for asking